I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
