If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
