I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
