I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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