Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
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