the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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