you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
sarcasm needs its own font
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
