your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
