You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
