the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
