He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
