I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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