ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
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