if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
