I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
