It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
