yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he was CRYING into my vagina
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
