Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
