I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
