some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
