I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize