Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
