Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
