We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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