I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize