Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
