what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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