My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
