i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
