I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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