guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
