So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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