OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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