Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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