What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
