so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
