do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
