im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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