thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize