Nicole vs. Life
Don't make out with my wife yet
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Randomize
