I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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