would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
