Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
