bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
