Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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