so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
