I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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