Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
