I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
