Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
