Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
