If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
