Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
