yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
