my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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