Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
