Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize