hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
