They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
