i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
