I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
