I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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