Your tits are I can't wait for
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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