I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
