Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
