i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I looked at my own cervix.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
