I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
