I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
not ubering you a puppy
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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