He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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