In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
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