so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
