Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize