I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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