One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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