I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
