Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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