take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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