I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
