I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
it glows. i had to have it.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
